Have you ever held a grudge, or feuded with someone?  Have you ever considered how that grudge or feud affected your health, not to mention the health of the people around you, who had to suffer your grudge or indifference to someone else?  It happens in families and businesses all the time, spewing out into repetitive behaviors that in families particularly create generational hate and in individuals’ poor health!

I watched a TV special recently, that detailed one particular feud.  This TV special outlined the history of the 50-year-old feud between cricketers and Ashes greats Ian Chappell and Ian Botham.  These two guys just couldn’t get along, it seemed their relationship was doomed right from the start and has punctuated Ashes contests for decades.

I don’t really understand cricket or the politics around it, but it looks a lot like when everything is going well, people are having fun with bats, balls, and stumps. Every now and again someone runs to the other end of the cricket pitch or hits the ball into the crowd, and everyone goes nuts.

Watching the Chappell-Botham interview, I couldn’t help but notice how both men were not aging well, they both carried significant weight around their guts, and their skin was sallow, blotchy, and grey, which confirmed the effects of too many bar room meetings over the course of their lifetimes, bitterness, too much sitting and not enough fresh organic food.  So lifestyle choices are one thing, but adding a grudge to the mix means both men, despite Botham being younger, are in difficult times with their health.

The 40-minute documentary which aired on Tuesday night the 27th of June, chronicled the feud in episodes looking at each series they played against each other, with the pair going head to head in 10 Ashes Tests, as well as various World Series Cricket and limited-overs fixtures.

The two traded barbs in a tense exchange after Chappell labeled Botham a “coward and gutless” when asked to say something nice about his counterpart.

Botham: Coward? Who am I a coward to?

Chappell: Well, you stick an empty beer glass in a bloke’s face, that’s a cowardly act.

Botham: Why on earth would I need a glass?

Link preview to show:

As I was watching this I could see that both men were bitter and twisted towards each other.  I wondered if there was ever going to be a moment where one said something nice to the other, but it didn’t come, until……I noticed a hint that Botham wanted to end the feud when the cameraman’s or producers voice in the background asked if either of them had something nice to say, and Botham said of Chappell he was a good cricket player, but Chappell wasn’t going to give in at all.

I felt that Chappell looked “uncomfortable, and I wondered why he even agreed to be in a TV show like ‘The Longest Feud’.  This TV show exposed the weaknesses of both men and did not put them in a good light!

I didn’t find Botham that difficult, but more he was coming from ego, actually both of them were!  Why couldn’t they just kiss and makeup?  Probably for the same reason most people can’t forgive, and move on, PRIDE! They really both looked like sad, old, pathetic men as they sat across from each other, which wasn’t wasted on me when I think of conflicts around the world, where major players and leaders are holding the same sort of resentment and bitterness towards each other, while flanked with organizations, family, or countries full of people who suffer the consequences of these bitter and twisted rivalries, not to mention the decisions made in that sort of physical and emotional chemistry!

Ian Chappell as he appears in the Channel 9 documentary The Longest Feud: Chappell v Botham. Picture: Supplied/Channel 9

Take note that ill feeling towards others creates a chemical reaction within you.  Scientists have measured the pH of a body belonging to someone who is angry, resentful, and ‘yes’ holding a grudge, it’s never good, which is why we all need to practice letting go of our negative feelings.

An office or team feud doesn’t just harm team morale, it can also damage your health. According to research, holding a grudge increases stress, heightens blood pressure, creates facial tension, and even causes you to sweat more.

Want to learn to let go? These science-backed strategies will help you forgive and forget.

According to Tony Robbins, the reason we hold a grudge is because we get caught up on how another person “should” have acted in a situation. “If you want to be stressed, all you have to do is expect life and all the people in it to think, behave, speak, and act the way you have predetermined they should,” he wrote in a blog post on LinkedIn.

One of the first steps to forgiveness is realizing they did the best they could with the tools and life lessons they have at their disposal.

Don’t become over-attached to the two little words ‘I’m sorry”, especially if it’s your teammate or boss who has wronged you. According to research from The Rotterdam School of Management, apologies from superiors at work aren’t effective because we’re cynical of people in power. That doesn’t mean an apology isn’t welcome, but it may not automatically cure your resentment.

The most effective apologies, according to the study, include displays of empathy, taking responsibility, and offers of reparation.

If you have held a grudge against someone, take some time to think about what that is doing to you, and how that resentment affects the people you live with, especially if they don’t harbor the same feelings towards the person you are upset with.  Practice the Ho’ooponopono Prayer.  I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.  

Ho’oponopono Prayer

Thank you for taking the time to read this, enjoy your day, and don’t hold grudges as you will only make yourself ill. xx love Annie