Have you ever given yourself a hard time, because you said something to someone too soon, that maybe you could have avoided saying, which would have meant less pain for all concerned? Have you ever acted a little too quickly or impulsively which caused you more issues and mistakes? Have you ever eaten something that was just ‘wrong’, and didn’t agree with you, but you were rushing through a meal and lost your awareness? (check out my article on 3 Questions to ask yourself before you eat).
I have! I did all the above things, all because I didn’t pause. I didn’t stop and just think a little more, instead I rushed in, and, consequently, things didn’t turn out too good.
When I practice ‘Pausing’, it’s almost like a trance or a little meditation and reflection. I’m allowing more time to go by and in doing so, giving my mind time to adjust to alternatives, and calming down if I’m angry.
I learnt about Pausing from listening to a lot of Wayne Dyers talks and reading ‘Brain Rules’ by John Medina. In Wayne’s talks, I find humour and spiritual depth, that helps me process things. With John’s book ‘Brain Rules’, I get a few little gems that relate to sleep, body rhythms, timing and cycles. John Medina talks about matching schedules to chronotypes.
After reading this book I get the clear message that one is more likely to do, say and eat the wrong thing when one is tired. John suggests that you don’t give high-demand presentations or take critical exams during critical curve times in your day. This gets me thinking, how many times have I had really heated arguments with a partner when I’ve been under pressure? How many times have I dragged myself through a presentation on something in a state of weariness? I ask these same questions of ‘you’! This is the time when words are said or actions are carried out in rage or haste. These are the critical times.
Pausing is powerful because even when you are most upset or off the wall so to speak, you can stop yourself and ask this question: “Will this matter, make a difference or change something for the better if I say this ‘now’?” Generally, when I ask that question, the answer is ‘no’. Rarely is it a ‘yes’ in a situation where I’ve stopped myself and checked in.
I learnt about checking in with the lovely Janet McGeever. Janet is an amazing relationship mentor and works with women and men to help them resolve their sexual breakdowns and intimacy hiccups. Janet introduced the ‘check-in’ at one of my events, and it was a very powerful demonstration of being patient, listening to the other person, really listening and allowing them time to finish what they had to say before you put your bit in. http://janetmcgeever.com/ The discipline of pausing seems to wane as couples get further into their partnership. Often the years can diminish the respect levels, but this simple exercise can change everything.
Pausing before buying something is also wise, because you may find that you can do without the item. Maybe you are just irrational in your spending and need to readjust your priorities. I ask myself how important is it, that I cram my wardrobe with another outfit when I probably have more than enough already? Or do I need to have this #*?%#**thing anyway? I rarely hesitate when it comes to buying books, essential oils, and experiences… You can never have enough experiences!
The things I never pause on are: giving someone a hug, a compliment and a comforting word when needed. There is power in pausing but knowing when to act swiftly is equally as powerful!
Thank you for reading. Xx Anne Clark.